Its quite scary, but we hardly realise the battle that is going on for each of our souls - between good and evil. To me, it honestly sounds so far-fetched and storybook-like that I don't really understand and can't properly comprehend the fact that we're smack in the middle of the biggest war since creation.
And so, just when we feel like we're moving in the right direction and have the upper-hand, we get bombarded by doubts, laziness, complacency and things that draw us away from putting our full trust in God.
Right now, thats me - I'm so torn right now, between what God wants and what I want.
Even after one night of just confirmation, confirmation, confirmation that God is working things in my life, straight after a spiritual high and feeling that I'm back on track, I'm struggling!
I want to keep my life in my own hands because I'm sure of my own power.
I don't want to put it in God's hands because I'm not sure of His power, and I don't entirely have my faith in Him.
I don't want to put my life in his hands because I feel insecure and I'm moving to the passenger seat and letting God take the wheel.
When it comes down to it, its actually satan doing his thing - planting doubts, making me afraid of the future and making it seem that trusting myself is much easier, and that its not so bad if compromise what I give to God.
I can't explain how frustrating this is.
I suppose when you're in this situation, you can only pray.
We need to place ourselves into His hands, despite how scary the future might be, and how things might not work out as we want them to, and how much hurt and pain could potentially be ahead.
But we've got to look further, and realise that this is the way to be obedient and ultimately please God.
So God, I'm asking you to take this situation into Your hands, take the person(s) involved, take my feelings and negative thoughts, my worries and uncertainties away and just simply take control.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
YAY!
First post since forever!
New layout and everything - because the past few weeks have been fairly up and down.
For who knows how long, I feel like I haven't been growing like I should be, with God. Like, there's the busy-ness of life, starting uni, finding new friends, the drama of feelings, assignments, exams, holidays - so much to the point that (although we mention it all the time), we forget about God and where His place should be in our lives.
I have not been on track - and did not expect to be where I am right now, with this mindset and 'heartset', if it were not for God just having a hand in my life.
Who would have thought that Julie's innocent 19th birthday, in which she asked Steph and I to chuck together some songs for a "Chill Night In with Julie", would lead to me placing a new emphasis on my faith?
Who knew that night at 1-something in the morning, after the songs and party were all over, that God would speak through Steph and give me the wake up call that I've been needing for a long time? Seriously, a godsend, no doubt about it.
Who knew that the next day, that I would work out with one of my closest friends, a solution to a situation that we've had with one another for ages - a solution that was completely God centred and got rid of the frustrating dilemmas that were facing us both.
God has showed me a glimpse of Himself just in 2 days, and I know I prayed for it in passing one night a few weeks ago. I was expectant then, but forgot over time, and only JUST realised that He answered my prayer.
He's working ! Like right there, and calling it all coincidence would be plain ignorant.
And this is only the beginning.
I've been going along keeping stuff under my own control and committing very little to Him. In particular, relationships, but overall.. everything. I haven't had a solid quiet time or prayer routine ...ever. Longest I've done a quiet time consistently was like 4 months max.
If you want to get anything out of this post, it's this:
KEY POINT: We need to surrender EVERYTHING to Him. Not some half-hearted, wishy-washy 'commitment' where we give a couple words to God, don't listen for an answer, and just follow our own human feelings and emotions.
I mean like being COMPLETELY obedient to God, two hands up, on our knees, giving up our LIVES for Him, like He gave his life to teach and help others, and ultimately save us from sin.
Giving every aspect, whether it be relationships, friendships, careers, education, money, time, our prayers, praises, dance, art - every single part of our lives.
Where pleasing God is of top priority, and only thing that we want to do.
And this 'heart-set' (not just mindset) doesn't come overnight mind you.
To get to that place of complete surrender is gonna take me a long time - I'm only getting back on track. That's why all I need is to have a kingdom perspective and a persevering heart - I'm going to get through this no matter what, by looking at life from above, rather than from down here, and placing my trust in Him.
Faith is a choice, and I choose to believe :)
New layout and everything - because the past few weeks have been fairly up and down.
For who knows how long, I feel like I haven't been growing like I should be, with God. Like, there's the busy-ness of life, starting uni, finding new friends, the drama of feelings, assignments, exams, holidays - so much to the point that (although we mention it all the time), we forget about God and where His place should be in our lives.
I have not been on track - and did not expect to be where I am right now, with this mindset and 'heartset', if it were not for God just having a hand in my life.
Who would have thought that Julie's innocent 19th birthday, in which she asked Steph and I to chuck together some songs for a "Chill Night In with Julie", would lead to me placing a new emphasis on my faith?
Who knew that night at 1-something in the morning, after the songs and party were all over, that God would speak through Steph and give me the wake up call that I've been needing for a long time? Seriously, a godsend, no doubt about it.
Who knew that the next day, that I would work out with one of my closest friends, a solution to a situation that we've had with one another for ages - a solution that was completely God centred and got rid of the frustrating dilemmas that were facing us both.
God has showed me a glimpse of Himself just in 2 days, and I know I prayed for it in passing one night a few weeks ago. I was expectant then, but forgot over time, and only JUST realised that He answered my prayer.
He's working ! Like right there, and calling it all coincidence would be plain ignorant.
And this is only the beginning.
I've been going along keeping stuff under my own control and committing very little to Him. In particular, relationships, but overall.. everything. I haven't had a solid quiet time or prayer routine ...ever. Longest I've done a quiet time consistently was like 4 months max.
If you want to get anything out of this post, it's this:
KEY POINT: We need to surrender EVERYTHING to Him. Not some half-hearted, wishy-washy 'commitment' where we give a couple words to God, don't listen for an answer, and just follow our own human feelings and emotions.
I mean like being COMPLETELY obedient to God, two hands up, on our knees, giving up our LIVES for Him, like He gave his life to teach and help others, and ultimately save us from sin.
Giving every aspect, whether it be relationships, friendships, careers, education, money, time, our prayers, praises, dance, art - every single part of our lives.
Where pleasing God is of top priority, and only thing that we want to do.
And this 'heart-set' (not just mindset) doesn't come overnight mind you.
To get to that place of complete surrender is gonna take me a long time - I'm only getting back on track. That's why all I need is to have a kingdom perspective and a persevering heart - I'm going to get through this no matter what, by looking at life from above, rather than from down here, and placing my trust in Him.
Faith is a choice, and I choose to believe :)
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